Three Easy Ways to Show a Prospect You're Listening

Me: Huh?

Antonio: Lately he’s been going to the art gallery every day. And oh yeah, he really appreciated the cat food you sent him, honey.

Me: But when is he going to come over and fix the window???

Antonio: Oh, I dunno. Sometimes he brings the drill with him to the art gallery.

Me: But he’s a security guard?

Antonio: They ask him to put up the paintings there when they get a new exhibit.

Me: Can you ask him to come over next week?

Antonio: I’ll see if he’s around but a lot of times they ask him to work overtime.

Can anybody else relate, by the way? It’s one big Who’s on First routine; notice I had to ask him the same question three times and he never repeats my words back to me.

Now, in contrast, let’s look at another conversation.

Convo B

Antonio: Where’s my cell phone charger?

Me: I have no idea where your cell phone charger is.

Antonio: What do you mean you don’t know where my cell phone charger is?

Me: I haven’t seen your cell phone charger.

Antonio: Girl, quit playin’. I left the cell phone charger right near your laptop.

Me: Look under the baby’s backpack.

Antonio: Oh yeah, there’s my cell phone charger. The baby must have put it there.

Notice how many times the word “cell phone charger” was repeated back and forth? I knew he was upset, so I repeated his words back to him to try to soothe him. We do this naturally without even realizing.

When you say the prospect’s words back to them:

• It gets their attention.
• It makes it is impossible for them to doubt that you are listening.
• It sounds soothing to them. The sound of our own voice is the most pleasing thing we could possibly hear; our own words are the second most pleasing thing we could hear.

There is very little difference between what one advisor provides from the next; the client chooses you because the way you communicated allowed you to get through to them better than the next advisor.

The best words you could say to a prospect aren’t your words, it’s the words they use reflected to them.

2. The reconnaissance phrase

I’ll explain this one through an example.

Way back when I was in my 20s as a single lone wolf in Manhattan, I had a date with someone I met randomly when I was out with my “wolf pack” at a nightclub.

I’ll never forget it We were at an Indian restaurant and just as the server put down my chicken tikka masala, the dude looks at me and says, “And so, Sara, when exactly is the whole entire hedge fund industry going to burst like an overinflated balloon?”

Or something like that.

He had Googled me. I had been quoted in an article saying something preposterous (which is fairly typical of me, even 20 years later). He turned out to be a loser, which worked out just fine, because I moved on to meet my Prince Charming (Antonio). Nonetheless, I was impressed he did his homework.

I’m constantly amazed at how I keep hearing from advisors who have no idea what to say to someone on social media. And then I ask them to send me the target person’s page, and there’s tons of goodies to gobble up.

Examples:

• Yaroslav, what made you refer to NY Cares as the most generous charity in NYC? Like you said on your LinkedIn page.
• Do-Yun, in the pre-meeting survey, you said that you haven’t sold a stock since the Nixon administration. Tell me why so long?

In other articles, I taught you how to spy on someone using the internet. Always do your research and find these reconnaissance phrases before the first meeting. If not, use a phrase from their pre-meeting questionnaire.

3. The meeting “exclamation point”

I started using this technique and it has made a positive difference in several major relationships. Nothing shows the prospect you’re listened to them than summarizing the major three points they said during the meeting. This puts a big exclamation point on the end of a meeting.

Let’s say you’re in a meeting and there’s a ton of ideas flying around. When it comes time to end, you say these words:

(first meeting)

Keisha, here’s what I learned about you today. Your major concern is that you feel your current portfolio is too heavily skewed towards high-risk stocks such as emerging markets and growth equities, but you’re worried to unwind the positions yourself because of the high unrealized gains they have. How did I do?

Or –

(client meeting)

Akhenaton, here’s what we need to do by December 31. You want to consolidate all your accounts at Fidelity, roll your old Biogen 401(k) over, and establish a DAF with United Way as the beneficiary. Did I get all the major points you said?

Or –

(actions taken)

Hu, the major things we accomplished in today’s meeting were: 1) we established that you want to liquidate 50% not 100% of your Cisco stock; and 2) we agreed that this has to get done by July 31. Did I leave anything out?

Then, five minutes after you end the meeting, send them an email with the summary passage you just said. This works. It organizes people’s thoughts and provides a framework for the next action step.

It may sound simple but start doing this routinely and you’ll see how powerful it is. It’s like leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for people to follow back to the next meeting.

Sara’s upshot

I am a person who stands for simple, direct communication that speaks to others as human beings without getting jargon and gibberish involved. If you like this style, I have an ebook about how to communicate on LinkedIn messenger and a membership where I teach people social media. Or contact me for a one-on-one consultation.

Sara Grillo, CFA, is a marketing consultant who helps investment management, financial planning, and RIA firms fight the tendency to scatter meaningless clichés on their prospects and bore them as a result. Prior to launching her own firm, she was a financial advisor.

Read more articles by Sara Grillo