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Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
Dear Bev,
We have some strong personalities on our team. Someone told me that clients and their style often reflect the style of the advisor working with them. This is very true in our office. Our clients are direct and no-nonsense — and often also aggressive, mean, and angry. This is exactly how I’d describe the two partners who own and run our firm.
The first couple of adjectives we can live with — direct is okay, as it helps us know what is needed. The last three are exhausting. My Client Services team often goes home at night exhausted from working with these difficult people all day long.
The annoying part is not only that the clients wear us down, but if we bring this behavior up to either of the two owners of our firm, they tell us, “… the client is always right! What do you need to do differently?” We know we need to do whatever we can to keep clients happy, but we don’t believe we should take abuse while we are doing it.
Besides all of us quitting together, is there anything we could do to shift what’s happening here?
L.I.
Dear L.I.,
This is a clear example of a behavioral style at work. I often share information on the DISC (Dominance, Influencing, Steadiness and Compliance) process I use with advisor teams, and this is exactly why it is important to understand the concepts.
The way you describe your lead advisors, they are high on the “D” scale. They are assertive, aggressive, results-oriented, and focused on getting tasks done. This style often applies to leaders of organizations, entrepreneurs, top-performing sales people, and others who are able to ignore all else and plow through to get what’s needed done.
The emotion for the high “D” is anger. It comes across as impatience and frustration. High Ds will let you know, in no uncertain terms, if they are upset about something. Perhaps you aren’t getting back to them quickly enough, or they don’t like your answer, or your team isn’t communicative enough.
I’m not excusing the behavior, merely pointing out the likelihood of where it is coming from. If you tell another high D — in this case your lead advisors, about this behavior — their response is probably going to be to push it aside. They might even recognize themselves in the behavior. If the client complains about anything, the advisor will likely side with them.
Asking your advisors to intervene or expecting them to change their behavior is probably not going to work. I hope you don’t all quit, because there are ways to learn how to work with difficult people. I have a process I call ARTICA I teach to help you shift your approach when someone is being difficult.
Remember that most difficult behavior stems from fear. The clients are afraid if they don’t hear from you — they may not like giving up control or may worry about their portfolio and plans. It isn’t about you, it’s about them. You want to learn how to diffuse the situation for your own sanity.
A – Accept that everyone has their own viewpoint of things. Your clients are not “wrong”; they are just expressing their view in a way that is off-putting to you and your team. Rather than emotionally and internally resisting this, accept that they have a right to their opinion.
R – Reflect on how you could connect with them. Are there times your team doesn’t respond right away? Is there so much happening in the market that you are hearing from a lot of clients with concerns? See if you can find some validity in their point of view. Set aside the personal idea of “we’re under attack,” and think about whether there is other data or experience to support what they are feeling and thinking.
T – Think “why?” What’s underneath the behavior? Once you consider that almost all negative behavior has a basis in fear, you might have a different idea about the “why” for the client.
I – Inquire about what’s happening. Be genuinely curious. You aren’t combative at this stage if you are asking them why they have to be so negative. Just listen to their answer, and stay open to their point of view. Approach this step as if you need to learn something about your client, their concerns, and what drives their upset.
C – Confirm if there is anything you can do. Most times we match emotion with logic right away. Someone is upset, and we try and calm them down by showing them they are incorrect in their thinking. In sales, this is referred to as “overcoming objections.” You can’t calm someone down who is operating from fear or is hesitant. If you take the time to accept, reflect/connect, think, and inquire, then you can ask about options for something you could do to be helpful. Make sure the client confirms this will, in fact, help them first, before you do anything.
A – Act. Now do whatever it is you and the client have agreed to. Keep in mind that this process isn’t for something as simple as a wire that needs to be completed. Do the work the client is expecting, but when they respond emotionally and start lashing out (your experience) at your or your team, spend the time to walk through this with them to see if you can learn more about them.
Their behavioral style isn’t going to change, so you need to be the one to think of a different approach to see if you can shift yours. In turn, they might change their approach.
Consider learning more about behavioral style, too. When I do workshops on dealing with difficult clients, the style you are describing is the most common one that people struggle with. If you’re not a high D person, you can actually feel as though you are under attack and may even have a physical reaction like heart palpitations, blood pressure rising, etc. It’s important to learn to frame the behavior as nothing personal. It isn’t directed at you, even though it feels this way. It is the client needing to express themselves. High Ds can certainly learn how to do a better job when upset of not going on the attack. However, in the interest of self-protection, learning how to put up an emotional shield could help you a great deal, too.
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry, in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. The firm has won the Wealthbriefing WealthTech award for Best Training Solution for 2022, 2023, 2024, 2025 and 2026. Beverly is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching Executive MBA students Leadership and Managing Teams. She is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.