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Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
Dear Bev,
Simply put: How do I win referrals without feeling like I am pestering my clients who are paying me a fee for the work I do for them?
U.I.
Dear U.I.,
This is one of my favorite topics for so many reasons. When done well, and viewed appropriately, helping clients find opportunities is not so hard.
- Start by changing your language. We do not use the term “referrals.” I like to say this conjures memories of the carpet cleaning guy I had here years ago. He admittedly did a nice job, and after I complimented him, he handed me his phone to type in the names of my friends and their numbers so he could contact them, saying I had referred him. Needless to say, he was never invited back here, and I certainly did not hand over names. Your feeling that asking for referrals is “pestering” probably arises from some industry so-called experts who will tell you to “just ask” and keep asking until your client coughs up a name. This doesn’t work for you, and it doesn’t feel good for you or the client. Instead, think about asking for an introduction to someone your clients know that you should know. Don’t make it about someone looking for an advisor, or going through a life transition. Make it about finding someone with whom you can network and expand your connections. This takes pressure off you, and it takes pressure off your client.
- Reframe your thinking in addition to your language. The idea of “pestering” comes from someone having something you want, that you keep asking to get. It’s an uncomfortable position for both parties. As you point out, the quid pro quo has been met by your client. They pay you, and you give them outstanding service in response. They don’t “owe” you anything. However, if you reframe and think about the passion you have for this work, the joy you find in helping people meet their financial goals and the contribution you make to people’s lives so they can fully enjoy their finances in meaningful ways, you absolutely need and want to be talking with more people you can help! Approach clients with your passion, not a request for them to be your distribution arm.
- Become interested in your client’s lives. Many times, the ask is tough because it is so general. I’ve had so many advisors use: “We enjoy working with you so much; who do you know that is like you that we should be talking to?” I’m always struck by how hard this question is to answer. Who do I know just like me? No one. It’s not that I think I am so special, but when I examine my profile, I can’t come up with one person who meets all of the criteria: Run a business, be a college professor, write books, speak and train, do rescue work, raise three children and travel extensively. I’m sure there are many people out there who check the boxes, but I don’t have them in my universe. Instead of asking this general question, ask about specifics: “You teach at Suffolk University, Bev; there must be professors there considering retirement I should be speaking with to see if I can help them.” Or you could try something like: “You do so much in the not-for-profit space, Bev; what donors do you know that could benefit from a conversation about DAFs or QCDs or CRTs?” Asking more targeted questions allows for the person’s mind to become more focused and think about who meets that specific criteria.
- Use language that fits you and isn’t fake or phony. In the many years I have done this work, I’m always asked for scripts. One client told me he wanted a bobble-head doll that looked like me he could press to repeat exactly what I said. You don’t want a script, and you don’t want to say it like I say it. You want to be natural and approach clients in a manner that fits you. Practice, practice, practice until it seems natural and comfortable. You won’t feel like you are pestering if you deliver the ask in a way that fits who you are. Authentic is always best.
- Remember, it is a very competitive marketplace. One of the problems with not asking at all is that, if you aren’t asking, someone else who is offering similar services is. It could be their insurance rep, their banker, another advisor, or their brother-in-law, but rest assured, it is someone. There are many people in this industry and adjacent industries who are at the top of their game, and many others who lack the skills necessary to provide the best services to their clients. When you choose not to engage with your clients and ask about who else they care about or who else you should be talking to, you are leaving people in their universe vulnerable. If you really believe in what you do, you care about your clients — and by extension you care about the people they care about. So ask them for those introductions. It might not be your next best client, but you are doing a service to your existing clients by extending the offer.
