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Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
Dear Readers,
I was asked by an advisory firm to speak to their clients at their recent client event. The firm has a very clear niche and has grown significantly by focusing on it. I was able to share the “Five Secrets of Human Behaviour,” and all attendees received my similarly named book. In today’s column, I’ll outline these secrets and share why they matter from a leadership perspective, no matter what field you may be in or what position you hold.
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It’s all about me. One of the hardest things for leaders to grasp is the fact that their filters, previous experiences and view of the world color the decisions they make and the way they interact with others. It’s human nature. I make no judgements about this fact, unless the leader is unaware of their filters and believes themselves to be objective and neutral in their decision-making.
In my career I’ve lost count of the number of times a leader or manager will tell me about a “problem employee” they need coached (or fixed). In working with the problem person, I often uncover differences in style, values, beliefs and approach between the person being coached and the person who has hired me to do so. The leader can’t see clearly in these cases that what they perceive as a problem is really unacknowledged or uncovered differences.
What is a leader to do?
Move from a typical management approach that may be too directive, in an “I know what’s needed here” sense, to operating with curiosity and seeking to understand. Be interested in why your team member does something a certain way. Ask open-ended questions and learn more about them to uncover what’s underneath. This requires suspending judgement and holding back from telling someone what they should do and how. It takes patience, practice, and commitment. -
Behavioral styles come between us. Of all the things I’ve learned in my career, perhaps the most valuable and highest impact was understanding how communication styles can vary. We have a hard time “hearing” someone who is communicating in a way that is vastly different from our own approach. It’s not the words we use so much as the method of delivery — the body language, tone of voice, and pace with which we speak and act. It’s as if we are speaking different languages.
What is a leader to do?
Become self-aware of your style. Ask others how you come across. Are you too direct? Too timid? Do you talk slowly such that people lose interest and become distracted? Are you too forceful, causing people to stop listening because they are afraid you are angry and upset? Take feedback on what’s working well with your communication approach and what you need to modify. -
Values speak loudly. Part of Secret #1, which references how our filters color our view of the world, is about values and what we care about. Our values run deep and they often control our view of what’s right or wrong. Leaders can see clearly where they need to go, what needs to happen to get there and what might be in the way. Or at least they think they can. Their view will be tainted by what’s most important to them. This prevents a leader from motivating others. If one person’s value set differs, they likely won’t be motivated by the same things.
What is a leader to do?
Realize your view of what’s right is not the only option. When trying to engage your team and motivate its members, be broad in your characterization of what matters. If you are focused on ROI, that’s great. However, other team members might be more motivated by taking the more socially oriented approach or by altruism. Do your best to encompass different value sets when laying out a plan. -
Don’t assume I know what you mean. This one frequently trips leaders and managers up, because once you are in a more senior role, you see more of the big picture and understand how all of the pieces connect. Leaders often forget their team members — the “doers” who are helping reach the goals — don’t see everything they see. If you give short shrift to communication and guidance, your team members don’t understand exactly how it all fits and what’s expected of them.
What is a leader to do?Provide context in every single communication. Even if you think team members know and you have talked to them about the background, the reasoning and the process, tell them again. And then tell them yet again. Team members are busy doing their jobs. You want to regularly help them connect what they are doing to the overarching goals and provide as much insight as possible around the “why?”
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I’m okay; you are definitely not okay. Leaders and managers can spend a great deal of time trying to fix their team members. Sometimes frustration develops, because someone is not stepping up the way you think they should. Your goal is likely to have everyone on your team do well. If you push them in a way that works for you, and not for them, they are not going to be able to reach their full potential.
What is a leader to do?
Keep in mind the first four secrets listed above during every interaction with individuals and with your team. Rather than try and fix them, find out what they are good at. Build on team members’ strengths. Stay open to new and different ways of doing something. Admit you don’t always know the one right way. Allow team members to have a voice and commit to really listening, actively, to what they are sharing.
