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Let’s talk about a common approach in selling that’s been around for far too long: the idea of rubbing salt in the wound. You’ve probably heard it before. The concept is simple: Amplify the prospect’s pain so they feel the urgency to act.
But here’s the problem with that: When you focus on amplifying pain, you’re not building trust. Rather, you’re creating resistance. It’s like poking at an open wound. Sure, it gets their attention, but it also makes them pull away.
What if, instead of rubbing salt in the wound, you showed them the mirror? What if you helped them see the full scope of their situation without adding to their discomfort?
This approach isn’t about manipulation or pressure. It’s about clarity. When you show someone their reflection in a mirror, you’re helping them see their reality for what it truly is.
You’re not exaggerating their problems or making them feel worse. You’re simply reflecting back what’s already there, in a way they might not have been able to see on their own.
When someone is deeply immersed in their own challenges, they often lose perspective. It’s like standing too close to a painting. They can see the brushstrokes, but they can’t see the whole picture.
Your role is to step back and help them see the painting in its entirety. When you do this, something remarkable happens: They begin to trust you.
That doesn’t happen because you’re pushing them toward a solution, but because you’re helping them understand their world with greater clarity. So, how do you show someone the mirror in a way that builds trust and inspires action?
Start With Curiosity, Not Assumptions
The first step to showing someone the mirror is to approach the conversation with genuine curiosity. Instead of assuming you know their problem, ask questions that invite them to share their perspective.
For example, you might say, “Can you walk me through what’s been happening so far?” Or, “What’s been the biggest challenge for you in this area?”
These kinds of open-ended questions create a safe space for them to open up. And as they share, you’re gathering the pieces of the puzzle.
Reflect Back Their Words
Once they’ve shared their perspective, take a moment to reflect back what you’ve heard. This isn’t about parroting their words. Instead, it’s about showing them that you’ve truly listened and understood.
You might say, “It sounds like you’re dealing with [specific issue]. Is that right?”
This simple act of reflection does two things. First, it validates their experience. Second, it helps them see their situation more clearly.
Use Analogies to Illuminate the Bigger Picture
Sometimes, people struggle to grasp the full scope of their problem because it feels abstract or overwhelming. That’s where analogies can be incredibly powerful.
For instance, you might say, “It’s kind of like having a slow leak in your roof. At first, it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but over time, the damage spreads.”
Analogies like this make complex issues easier to understand. They also help your prospect connect the dots in a way that feels natural and non-threatening.
Stay Neutral and Non-Judgmental
When you’re showing someone the mirror, it’s crucial to stay neutral. Your goal isn’t to judge or criticize. It’s to help them see.
You might say, “I’m not sure if this is something you’ve considered, but here’s what I’m noticing.”
This kind of language keeps the conversation open and collaborative. It positions you as a trusted expert, not someone with an agenda.
Give Them the Freedom to Decide
At the end of the day, your role isn’t to push them toward a decision. It’s to provide clarity so they can make the best choice for themselves.
You might say, “It’s entirely up to you whether this is something you want to address now or later. I’m here to help if and when you’re ready.”
This approach removes pressure and creates space for trust to grow.
The Power of the Mirror
When you show someone the mirror, you’re not just helping them see their problem. You’re helping them see themselves. You’re also giving them the gift of clarity, without adding to their pain. That’s what builds trust.
The next time you’re in a conversation with a prospect, resist the urge to rub salt in the wound. Instead, hold up the mirror. Help them see their reality with fresh eyes, and let them decide what to do next.
Because when you focus on clarity over pressure, you’re not just transforming the way they experience selling. You’re transforming the way they experience you.
Ari Galper is the world’s No. 1 authority on trust-based selling and is the most sought-after high net worth/lead generation expert for financial advisors. His newest book, “Trust In A Split Second” has become an instant best-seller among financial advisors worldwide – you can get a Free copy of Ari’s book here and, when you click the “YES” button in the order form, you’ll also receive a complimentary “plug up the holes” lead generation consultation. Ari has been featured in CEO Magazine, Forbes, INC Magazine and the Financial Review. He is considered a contrarian in the financial services industry and in his book, everything you learned about selling will be turned upside down. No more chasing, no pressure, no closing.
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Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.
