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What is one of your “hard truths” about money? An assumption like “money is power” that you have never questioned?
“Truths” like these are financial beliefs, or money scripts, that often sound completely reasonable on the surface. But in my work as a financial therapist, I’ve learned that these money scripts aren’t facts. They’re stories we have internalized, often from early experiences, which may have protected us once but now tend to limit us. The more absolute the language — words like “always,” “is,” or “never” — the more rigid the money script and the greater the likelihood that it is getting in your way.
“Money is power,” for example, may feel like a hard truth. But, even if it is often true, is it always true? For someone facing a terminal illness, all the money in the world might buy comfort, but it is powerless to prevent suffering or death. Or consider someone with wealth who refuses to use it, for themselves or others. Money alone doesn’t create power. It must be activated, directed, and used, which some people simply don’t do for reasons that often trace back to pain or fear.
The work of editing money scripts — not removing them, but making them flexible — is central to financial therapy. “Money can be power, depending on how it’s used,” is a belief that leaves room for context, humanity, and truth.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy gives us a powerful framework for this work. If you’ve ever said, “Part of me wants to buy that, but part of me thinks I shouldn’t,” you already understand the premise. We all have various internal parts or voices with different motivations and wounds. IFS invites us to get curious about those parts and what they’re protecting us from.
Maggie Knowles, a daily money manager and coach, shared with me a powerful example of a deep, rigid money script. One of her internal parts held the belief, “If I’m successful, it will kill my mother.” This sounds extreme, but it made emotional sense when she told her story. The week that she had her biggest professional success, her mother, who had long supported her financially, responded not with celebration, but with concern: “Are you sure you can handle that?” Her mother died the next week.
But Maggie came to realize that the true origin of the script went even deeper. She shared, “I was very reliant on my mother and mooched off her for years, especially after my divorce. She liked that I needed her. That dynamic, me depending on her, made her feel secure and important. I believed that if I didn’t need her anymore, it would destroy her.”
That belief didn’t come from logic, but from emotional truth. It quietly shaped Maggie’s life. She minimized her successes, not deliberately but to preserve the bond with her mother. The part of her carrying that belief was protecting her from guilt, grief, and the fear of being responsible for loss.
This is the heart of changing self-sabotaging or hurtful financial behaviors: discovering that the behaviors we criticize in ourselves often make perfect sense when we understand with compassion the parts behind them. Those parts are usually younger than we realize. They’re doing their best to keep us safe, even when their strategies no longer serve us.
When you notice a money belief that feels absolute, I encourage you to try getting curious. What part of you holds that belief? What is it protecting you from? You may not need to fix it; you may just need to listen. And in listening, you may find that what once limited you can begin to set you free.
Rick Kahler, MS, CFP®, CFT-I™, CeFT®, CCIM, is the founder of Kahler Financial Group, a Rapid City, SD-based fee-only Registered Investment Advisor.
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Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives
