Dealing With Bullying Coworkers and Micromanaging Bosses 101

Dear I.E.,

The picture you paint in your note of you physically shrinking is such a stark one. It’s normal for any of us to want to get away from someone who is coming across as a bully or treating us in a threatening manner. Yes, building your confidence is important. However, it is also important to understand the mindset of the bully.

In this business, most clients (and team members) who act out in a threatening manner are doing so because they are afraid of something. Fear is a powerful motivator and can lead to poor choices in how we manifest that fear. Depending on our behavioral wirings and tendencies, the fear comes out in different ways. Some people go into angry bullying mode, some go inward, and some retreat into data and analytics, where it seems safer.

When you aren’t wired for the angry approach and clients or team members are, it can be completely overwhelming and lead to a shutdown in your response. This isn’t always because you are not confident; it is often a difference in approach that comes across like one party is stronger than the other. However, that isn’t the reality of the situation.

In my team, we implement a concept called ARTICA, which I created a number of years ago . ARTICA is a step-by-step process to help you deal with the difficult conversations that might otherwise feel daunting:

A – Acknowledge the person’s right to see the world the way they do. Often, we push back against someone with whom we disagree — either actively or in a more passive way. Saying to someone “I can understand you’re upset over this issue,” often diffuses the situation at the outset.

R – Reflect and connect to share similar insights. Use phrases like, “We are hearing from many of our clients….” or, “I have worked with other people who have shared similar experiences…” or, “I recognize the difficulty of what you are experiencing….”

The importance of this is not to change the conversation away from the person who is upset. Rather, it demonstrates you are not going to push back on them, and that you aren’t going to argue or try to convince them otherwise. You are going to connect their experience with other experiences you have seen or been involved with. It gets you on the same side with the person who is upset.

T - Think about what might be underneath the person’s approach or upset. Really consider “why?” This can be a helpful part of the process because it takes the experience off their one-on-one interactions with you and broadens your thinking to be more all-encompassing.

Most of the time, our outward negative behavior masks something inward that is more emotional (like fear). It also could be that someone got some bad news or is experiencing difficulty in their lives. Try to position yourself as someone who wants to listen and understand — not someone who debates their position or needs to fight back on an issue.

I – Inquire with open-ended questions. Stephen Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, counseled that one should “Seek to understand rather than to be understood.” That applies here. Be curious and inquisitive. Keep in mind that you don’t know what you don’t know. Don’t ask questions aggressively; instead, ask them with sincere interest in learning what you need to understand.

C – Confirm if there is anything you need to do. Is there information the person needs, a step to be added to a process, a different engagement to happen? Determine with the person what this might be and how you can both get to a better place.

A – Act on anything that is agreed upon. Let the person know what you will do, and then, once you do it, let them know it is done. Close the loop so the person can see you really do care and are serious about addressing their needs.

This is a good guideline for thinking through which steps you might have taken and which you have missed. Try first by practicing with someone who can “play” the role of your colleague or client who is making you shrink until you feel comfortable.

Dear Bev,

What are good comeback lines when an advisor micro-manages to the point that nothing gets done? She continually looks over our shoulders and then tells us what else we need to do or what we are missing.

My teammates and I have tried explaining to her nicely that she disrupts our work. We have tried ignoring her, and we have tried taking turns being the one to address her concerns. However, nothing — absolutely nothing — works with this woman.

Now, my teammate says we just need some sort of sarcastic “stop her in her tracks” come back. What do you think?

K.C.

Dear K.C.,

Truth be told, I am not one for sarcasm. It often falls flat. In addition, you will look like the less-professional people if you resort to this approach with her. Yes, a snappy comeback in the right situation can sometimes help someone see something they have been unable to see previously, but I think you run a big risk here doing this.

Have you tried explaining to her that when someone micromanages:

1. They never get to see what someone is capable of because they don’t let them show what they can do;
2. It takes more time because the person doing the work has to explain what they are doing and how; and
3. It is distracting and can cause errors because the person’s attention is drawn to addressing the micro-managing superior who is looking over their shoulder?

I often tell my micro-managing clients they aren’t doing themselves a favor by taking this approach. You may want to point out to her the flaw in her thinking, but then ask her what sort of communication she needs to be confident that you are taking care of things. Most of the time, when someone swoops in to micro-manage, it’s because they aren’t hearing what is being done, and they are worried about things falling through the cracks. This could be addressed by you all being more proactive in letting her know what you are doing.

Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry, in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. The firm has won the Wealthbriefing WealthTech award for Best Training Solution for 2022, 2023, 2024 and 2025. Beverly is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate and graduate students Entrepreneurship and Leading Teams. She is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).

She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.

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