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We are not marriage experts. But in many of our initial discussions with clients, we noticed a pattern emerge: It is more common for one spouse to take the reins of financial management while the other remains less informed – or worse, in the dark. Traditionally, this financial oversight role has fallen to husbands, leaving wives with limited involvement or knowledge about their family’s finances.
This dynamic can lead to a host of problems, from simple financial disagreements on the amount of money one spouse is spending, to arguments on whether or not they can afford to go on vacation, to increased stress in the face of unforeseen circumstances such as illness or job loss. The worst-case scenario is that when one spouse dies, the other is confronted with surprises they are unprepared for.
As family dynamics in our country evolve, so too must conversations around financial planning. To understand the importance of involving both spouses in the discussion, we asked our very own Vicky Frye, Director of FinTech Innovation and Cybersecurity Strategies at WMGNA, for her comments on this topic.
This dynamic can lead to a host of problems, from simple financial disagreements on the amount of money one spouse is spending, to arguments on whether or not they can afford to go on vacation, to increased stress in the face of unforeseen circumstances such as illness or job loss. The worst-case scenario is that when one spouse dies, the other is confronted with surprises they are unprepared for.
As family dynamics in our country evolve, so too must conversations around financial planning. To understand the importance of involving both spouses in the discussion, we asked our very own Vicky Frye, Director of FinTech Innovation and Cybersecurity Strategies at WMGNA, for her comments on this topic.
Do you agree with the idea that among couples, the wives are typically not in the lead when it comes to finances? Do you think it’s unhealthy?
In most cases, the husband takes the lead on finances while the wife takes the lead on other, more domestic matters. While it is not necessarily unhealthy for one spouse to take the lead in financial planning, a lack of communication and understanding between the two parties can be detrimental to their relationship. There needs to be a conversation around money.
Do you think those conversations happen enough?
No. People are busy and may not always be comfortable having a discussion about money. When only one spouse handles the finances, the balance of power can be skewed, leading to potential feelings of inequality or resentment. The leading spouse might feel exhausted from constantly worrying about saving and investing, while the other may feel accused of reckless spending. This often leads to arguments and negative feelings around discussions about money. It becomes a defensive conversation and is typically avoided.
How should conversations be constructed?
What the couple has to keep in mind to avoid a defensive conversation is to approach their partner from a point of understanding. It is more productive to reframe the conversation and focus on your goals and dreams. Starting with an overall picture and discussing them could lead to a more constructive approach to finances. It allows for a more conducive environment for couples to be honest and for the less involved spouse to be more willing to take on additional financial responsibilities if needed. A clear path to their shared goal will also encourage both to stay on track in terms of saving and investing and avoid spending too much on unnecessary items.
