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I recently attended a client appointment with one of my own coaching clients. The FA was attentive and engaging. His client spoke about how nervous he was about the ups and downs of the market. The FA said, “Oh you mean volatility, right?” The client said “yes” and moved on to other concerns like taxes, longevity risk and legacy.
But he never used those words.
Each need had a label and definition that the FA corrected. Running out of money became “longevity risk.” The “IRS taking money out of my wallet” became “tax burden” and so on.
The FA and client never connected. They spoke at cross meanings and as a result lost rapport. I have written in this publication previously about the 12 Most Persuasive Words you can use with clients, in advertising, and even on your website. But learning your client’s intrinsic language is different. It is their sub language. It is their unique way of communicating.
Emotion-laden words
All of us have our own colloquialisms. We have phrases and words to which we assign special meaning. Some of us use the term “no brainer” to communicate ease of use. GEICO uses the phrase, “Even a caveman can do it,” to indicate how easy it is to work with. One of my mentors used this phrase to discuss an untimely death: becoming part of the grill of a Mack truck. When I speak at conferences, I use a phrase to motivate attendees: “If you have an IQ above room temperature, you will write this down.”
All of us use unique words and phrases that communicate individual meaning and intent. If you can pick out your client’s unique words and phrases, and repeat them back, you will become much more persuasive, gain more trust, and increase your closing ratio.
Stealing predicates
Nearly 40 years ago, I gave a speech in Boston and later visited Bob Turner, an executive at CIGNA. All of 26 years old, I didn’t know what to say to this grizzled sales manager. Bob said, “So you want to speak at one of our conferences? What are you going to speak on?” I had no idea what he wanted to hear and instinctively asked him what topic he would like. He said, “I want you to go beyond the nine dots.” I had no idea what that was and just listened. The nine dots is a puzzle requiring one to connect all dots without lifting the pen from the paper. The solution is to make an arrow by tracing outside the paper. This became a metaphor for creativity: thinking outside the box.
After 10 minutes of speaking in acronyms, I didn’t understand a thing. Bob said, “You have heard enough. What are you going to speak on?” Completely confused, I responded with, “Well Bob, I am going to go beyond the nine dots.” He said, “That is exactly what I want you to do. What is your speaking fee and are you available on May 9?”
Whenever you communicate with a client or prospect, you are either making them speak your sub-language or learning theirs. Your level of persuasion will increase a lot more by using their words and phrases instead of making them use yours.
Marking out words and phrases
The way to determine an emotion-laden word is to listen for marking-out behaviors. These are short pauses before and after the word or phrase. It’s almost like seeing air quotes as the speaker indicates emphasis. “It made me feel… totally abandoned… when my last FA ignored me for years at a time.”
The other way to spot key words and phrases is to listen for repeats. Clients will repeat emotion-laden words and phrases. “The market right now is… psycho… it’s making me crazy.” Later, you might hear the word again: “I just don’t want to get caught up in a… psycho… market.”
The appropriate response could be, “We call our clients every three months with a market update. We never want our clients to feel ’totally abandoned.’” One of my coaching FA clients sold long-term care by paying attention when hearing things like, “I don’t want to end up like my mom.” He went on to say the mother passed away penniless in a convalescent home. The FA presented LTC by saying it was a plan to avoid “ending up like your mom.” This phrase brought back the emotions of that tragedy. He quickly said “yes.” The FA could have used jargon and even his own way of describing LTC. But the use of the clients’ words and phrases created more rapport and understanding.
Your clients have their own sub language. The more you use their words, the more trust and rapport you will have. When you gain trust, you gather more assets.
I would love to send you a free video of “How People Buy: Matching key words and phrases.” Write me at [email protected] or call 714-368-3650. We will spend a few minutes talking about your goals for increasing your business this year.
Dr. Kerry Johnson is “America’s Business Psychologist.” He is the best-selling author of 17 books including the recently released, How to Recruit, Hire and Retain Great People. He is also a frequent speaker at financial conferences around the world. Peak Performance Coaching, his one-on-one coaching program, promises to increase your business by 80% in 8 weeks. To see if you are a candidate for this fast-track system, click on www.KerryJohnson.com/coaching and take a free evaluation test. You will learn about your strengths and what is holding you back. Or call 714-368-3650 for more information.
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