Five Lessons I Learned from My Cardiologist

Somewhere in the middle of all this, my hormones became a little bit jangled. But my primary care physician, if you could call him that, was the local guy around the block.

The place I live in is not a nice neighborhood. Half the people think they auditioning for reality TV and other half are addicted to their cell phones. Being trapped in this dramatic waiting room I felt like I was in a TikTok meme.

I was sitting there for about two and a half hours and they finally called me. By that time, I was ready to bite the head off a rattlesnake. They took my blood pressure as part of the check-in routine, and it was 143/92!

What? All I consume is kale, chia seeds, and herbal tea.

How did that happen?

Now I really freak out, because the doctor is talking to me about a low-salt diet and telling me to cut back on red meat. The whole time I am trying to convince him that it’s a big mistake and I’m not on the verge of a stroke, but rather just slightly annoyed at the condition of his waiting room.

But he’s looking at me like I’m crazy. I finally convince him to take my blood pressure again, and guess what – it comes up even worse because on top of the hormones raging and being tortured in the waiting room, I’ve been arguing with him for 20 minutes. Now I clock a 147/95!

(By the way, this is called, “white coat syndrome.” I do not have a blood pressure problem).

I lose the fight, and wind up referred to a cardiologist.

There were five things he did that I wish I saw more advisors do, because it’ll help you convey greater skill and value – just like a cardiologist does.

1. The one killer question

A month later, I went to the cardiologist and I unloaded the whole story about my back-to-back pregnancies and the TikTok waiting room, and he sat there listening to the whole mess. And then he calmly said, “Before your pregnancies, did any of your doctors ever recommend an EKG for any reason?”

Great question.

He cut through all the miniscule details and saw the big, important concept – that perhaps it was some type of dormant issue unrelated to the hormones.

It’s one thing to listen for the sake of it, and it’s another thing to listen in a way that allows you to see the big picture, and then pick out that one sliver that exposes the truth behind the wall. A lot of sales training gets you caught up in scripts and lengthy questionnaires. But those will never get you there.

Find the one killer question that changes the course of the whole conversation.

2. Set boundaries and establish containment

After the waiting room incident, I rushed to Rite Aid and bought a blood pressure monitor. I was determined to show the upcoming cardiologist I didn’t need to be on beta blockers.

Well, I got to the appointment with a week’s worth of readings, and the cardiologist pshaws my home science experiment. “The downfall of modern technology is that people can buy these medical devices in any drug store. They cause more harm than good, because blood pressure varies with all kinds of things. Measuring it that way, it doesn’t mean much. In fact, your blood pressure wouldn’t cause any serious problems until it gets up over 200.”

Dang. He put me in my place.

I gladly surrendered my DIY status. I wasn’t there to get his opinion on my blood pressure; I was there for him to take control.

If there is one thing I have seen mess up an advisor’s practice it is DIY relationships. There is no such thing as a DIY client. In fact, the term itself is a bit of an oxymoron. Is a DIYer a client? Do they trust you like a client should?

What the cardiologist did was establish clarity in the roles, right up front. I wish more advisors would do that. Because if not, in the absence of that understanding, what are miniscule cracks in trust will completely unravel any semblance of containment.

My best relationships were when I laid boundaries upfront and the person accepted them. A few years ago, I started telling prospects in the initial meeting that I have to be the only person controlling their LinkedIn. If they ever hire another consultant to get involved in the slightest with my territory, I will fire them as my client.

How many people have I lost by saying this?

0.

They need to see you so confident in your ability that you are willing to set boundaries. Yes, it is dominant. And there is nothing toxic about that. They may say the opposite, but they don’t want to push you around. If they were fine doing things their way, they wouldn’t be there. The reason they are calling you to talk about the stock Cramer was touting on TV yesterday is because you have not contained their anxiety yet.

Listen to them and communicate, but you have to lead, and they follow. This has to be communicated initially and with total clarity.

3. Provide a clear conclusion and plan of action

Here’s what he said at the end of our meeting:

There is probably nothing wrong with your vascular system based upon what I am hearing. It more likely has to do with hormonal fluctuations due to your recent pregnancies. But this can only be ruled out by gathering data, so I am recommending an echocardiogram, and a follow-up meeting in four weeks.

A very clear meeting summary, conclusion, and action steps. Email that to clients after a meeting. This will help to contain the relationship. Unless you end the meeting with a clear summary and concrete action steps, you fail to establish control of the process.

4. Add a touch of heart

The cardiologist was very stoic throughout the entire meeting, but at the end he looked over at me for a split second with a compassionate expression on his face. Then he held up his hand for a fist bump.

Again, exactly what I needed. He sensed I was worried, and it was his way of telling me not to be upset. When someone is overwhelmed by fear and anxiety, even a slight gesture goes a long way. It doesn’t have to be through words.

5. Take action quickly and concisely

A few days later I’m lying there in the echocardiogram, and I’m hearing the technicians’ conversation go something like this:

Technician: You see that? You see that there, right by the valve?

Assistant: That’s a 65.

Technician: No, maybe more like a 70.

Assistant: Should it be that high?

Technician: Some are, some aren’t. It could be for one of two reasons. Maybe the lining of the valve is torn, or maybe it’s just…

(Terrifying).

I get home and email my cardiologist asking if I’m going to die. He just responds with, “What you are describing would not be a cause for short-term concern.” Early the next morning, unprompted, he sends me a one sentence email: “The echo was normal.” No emojis, no exclamation points, no long, drawn out explanations, analogies, or technical terminology.

Actions matter more than words in a tense situation like this. He responded quickly to address the issue in both cases and shut it down with one sentence. Another great example of containment.

Sara’s upshot

We found out that my cardiovascular health is fine (and it has been since then). But nonetheless I hope that my adventures in cardiology have allowed me to impart a few words of advice about how you can contain your relationships better, like a highly respected physician would.

If you’re looking to improve client communications, set up a time with me. How I work with clients is described here on my site.

Sources
Teal Swan. (2021, March 6th) Containment.[Video]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJxbiHBpSc4&t=924s

Sara Grillo, CFA, is a marketing consultant who helps investment management, financial planning, and RIA firms fight the tendency to scatter meaningless clichés on their prospects and bore them as a result. Prior to launching her own firm, she was a financial advisor.

Read more articles by Sara Grillo