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The advisor profession has a gender problem. Only about one-quarter of CFPs and fewer than 20% of advisors are women.
The problems don’t end with underrepresentation of women in our profession. Gender-based stereotypes have an insidious impact on how women advisors are perceived, their ability to attract clients, and their career path in corporate environments.
I blame it on John Gray.
Suspect credentials and research
As an author, John Gray’s success is awe-inspiring. His books, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and others in the series, have sold more than 40 million copies. They firmly established in the public mindset that the genders communicate so differently they might as well be from separate planets.
But Gray’s credentials are suspect.
According to this website, his Ph.D was “apparently” awarded by Columbia Pacific University, a “now defunct, unaccredited California institution that granted degrees via correspondence.” Another website observed that Gray “has only one accredited degree, a high school diploma,” and his “other purported degrees are also unaccredited and essentially worthless too.”
In this paper, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: An analysis of a Potential Meme, the author noted that Gray’s premise “is not based on established clinical and academic principles,” and is “an example of how incorrect and baseless ideas can displace good reasoned thinking based on research.”
Contrary research
When I read 50 Great Myths of Popular Psychology, a book by four highly credentialed professors of psychology at prominent universities, I was surprised to learn Gray conducted no research to support his views.
In stark contrast, there are a number of peer-reviewed studies that debunk the underlying premise of Gray’s wildly successful books. One review of many different studies reached this stunning conclusion, based on the “gender similarities hypothesis”: “...[m]ales and females are alike on most – but not all- psychological variables.”
The alleged “differences” in the communication styles of the genders are exaggerated and often (but not always) unflattering to women.
For example:
1. Women don’t talk more than men. Both utter about 16,000 words per day.
2. Women don’t disclose much more about themselves than men. While there is a small difference, it’s quite minor.
3. The data is inconclusive on whether men interrupt more than women. There’s evidence that, when women are in charge, they tend to be the ones who interrupt more frequently. Authors Rosalind Barnett and Caryl Rivers noted: “Do we really believe that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is often interrupted by her male aides? Or that a male law clerk would break into the sentences of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg? It's impossible to see the true communication dynamic if we are blinded by the notion that something buried deep in women's psyches chains them to the speech styles of the powerless.”
4. Men and women don’t necessarily resolve conflicts differently. One study found both genders compromise with their partners. Men don’t always insist on getting their way, while women retreat.
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The research does indicate some differences in communication styles (women seem to detect non-verbal cues better than men) but these differences are far less significant than public perception, fueled by Gray’s “different planets” reference.
According to researcher Kathryn Dindia, it’s more accurate to say, “Men are from North Dakota, women are from South Dakota.”
Why it matters
Inflating the communication differences between men and women will adversely impact women in the workplace.
The failure to conform to these “differences” can penalize women in both hiring and evaluations. As one researcher pointedly noted: “The persistence of the stereotype of women as nurturers leads to serious costs for women who violate this stereotype in the workplace.”
If women are to thrive, they need opportunities that aren’t influenced by baseless claims of communication disparities. Perpetuating this myth “otherizes” women and is used – consciously or otherwise – to justify discriminating against them.
Dan trains executives and employees in the lessons based on the research on his latest book, Ask: How to Relate to Anyone. His online course, Ask: Increase Your Sales. Deepen Your Relationships, will be available November 15, 2021.
Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.
