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It is scary and overwhelming to address long-term planning. But the lack of planning is disheartening to those left to address a crisis, as was the case with David, an 80-year-old man.
David was born in Brooklyn, New York, and is the eldest of four children. He always had a love of theater and from as far back as high school he was an active member of the drama department. He knew he wanted a career in theater and began participating in theater workshops during the summer months to help master his skill set. David earned a scholarship to attend a college dedicated to the arts and went on to star in, direct and choreograph a number of theater performances during his college years. He considers himself privileged to have performed with a number of Hollywood stars throughout his career.
Over the years, his acting career became inconsistent and he had terrible difficulty maintaining housing. He often faced the casting couch and initially felt his sexual orientation held him back. He was denied enlistment in the military and his file was noted, "denied due to homosexual tendencies." At the age of 25, David attempted suicide and was hospitalized. He recovered and found comfort among his peers and friends, who affirmed his sexual orientation and talent.
He was determined to make his way and set his sights on a career in culinary arts to maintain consistent income and worked as both a private chef and in large restaurants for many years. He credits his cooking career with meeting his husband, Michael, in 1965. They were married in 2004 following the legalization of same-sex marriage in the state of Massachusetts and later relocated to Florida to retire. His home is filled with an extensive collection of classic movies, records, limited edition books, Playbills, antique stamps, rare coins, vintage clothing, antiques and personally autographed photos from major Hollywood celebrities that he and Michael collected throughout the years. David always enjoyed singing, dancing and they both enjoyed anything theater- and arts-related. They shared a wonderful retirement together until Michael fell and broke his hip. David gave up all his activities and became Michael’s primary caregiver until he passed in the latter part of 2018.
David continued to live on his own in the condo that they lived in together but quickly declined emotionally after Michael’s passing. They were each other’s life partner and husband for more than 40 years and the loss became too much for David to bear. He began detaching from friends and was no longer willing to participate in social functions or outside activities. The onset of the coronavirus added to the isolation and made matters even more challenging for him.
In recent months, David has physically declined, causing him to be admitted to the hospital. Over the years, many of David’s family members turned their backs on him because of his lifestyle, leaving him with little family support. So, it did not occur to him to reach out to anyone. However, Karen, David’s cousin, had never turned her back on him and when she learned of the hospitalization, she swiftly reached out to help get him back on his feet. Upon her arrival, Karen discovered that his existing advance directives named Michael as his sole attorney-in-fact and healthcare surrogate. When she went to the apartment to collect some of his belongings, Karen quickly saw that it was uninhabitable. To make matters worse, his doctor reported that it would be very difficult for David to live independently physically and emotionally. She determined it would be best for him to stay with her at her hotel as an interim step to buy some time to formulate a meaningful long-term plan to help David with this next stage of his life.
