Planning Considerations for Parents with Developmentally Challenged Adult Children

by Jill Poser-Kammet, 9/23/20

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Planning for the care of a developmentally challenged child is, at best, intimidating and, at worst, an enormous emotional and financial drain on parents as they age. But the consequences of not planning are immense, as the story of Steven, a 63-year old single man, illustrates.

Steven resides in the home he lived in with his mother and father before they each died. Since his mid-20s, Steven lived with his folks and was not able to maintain employment. He earned a bachelor’s degree as well as a master’s, leaving his parents hopeful that he would get on his feet and make his way. Years rolled into decades and that didn’t happen. He continued to live with his parents and transitioned to Florida with them when they retired. They explained that Steven’s inability to get a job and live on his own was because his skill set did not lend itself to market trends, the economy was bad, he relocated to Florida and the job market is different than the Northeast and so on.

On the other hand, Brian, Steven’s younger brother flourished. He became a successful attorney, raised a family and took his place in his local community. Over the years, Brian would express his concerns about Steven to his parents and encouraged them to get professional help to address his inability to manage his own life. Each time, his parents would minimize the issues and drop the conversation.

Steven and Brian grew to have a good deal of resentment toward each other. Brian unsuccessfully continued to engage his parents about planning for Steven after they were gone. All the while, Steven was left with the impression that his folks would always take care of him and he had nothing to be concerned with. Unbeknownst to Steven or Brian, their father lost most of his portfolio in high-risk investments leaving Steven without any safety net for the future.

Their father passed first and after their mom’s death in 2017, Brian felt a sense of responsibility toward Steven and chose to be more active in his life. Steven seemed to be managing his own complex health needs, including in-home dialysis as well as financial responsibility for monthly expenses. Brian was cautiously optimistic and would do his best to engage Steven about his affairs without discouraging him. Steven would continue to state that he had everything under control. However, more recently, Steven received a foreclosure notice that the courts would pursue legal action regarding foreclosure on his home dating back to 2017.