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I’m teaching my kids how to read books. But it’s just as important for them to know how to read people. The truth is communicated loud and clear through nonverbal cues; most of the time we aren’t listening.
Come and knock on our door…
Those of you who follow me on YouTube know that I recently moved into a new apartment. There were items that needed fixing. Here’s how my (unsatisfying) first interaction with the super went:
- After fixing the first out of 10 items, he paused. He starts talking to me with his lower body and legs facing the door. His torso was facing me, but nonetheless I knew the next words were going to be “adios, amigo.” Unsurprisingly he jetted after making excuses about how busy his life is.
- He held the drill in front of his chest while he was talking to me, almost as if brandishing some kind of weapon.
- He avoided all eye contact through the whole encounter.
- When he wasn’t working, he put his hands in his pockets.
He spoke so politely, but his non-verbal cues screamed a resounding, “I’d rather drill a hole in my hand than help you.” And guess what? Since that day, he has lived up to my prediction!
I have four kids under six years old. I’m sure he feels thrilled that the Ringling Brothers have come into town. And likewise, I feel like I’m dealing with the grouchy Stanley Roper from Three’s Company!
From just a brief interaction and by watching his body language I could predict how he was going to behave.
A body language lesson from Shark Tank
Even the savviest of businesspeople give away their intentions with their body language. Let’s look at a clip from Shark Tank. Can you predict how the Sharks are going to react to the Peanut Butter Pump?
Daymond John furrows his brow before he asks a question. This is a sign of discomfort. And then he declares, “I’m out.”
Daymond John touches his nose after he goes out, this is a gesture to sooth himself.
Mr. Wonderful sighs deeply.
While Lori Greiner is criticizing his product, the Peanut Butter guy touches tongue to the inside of his mouth/cheeks, and purses his lips. He’s angry! No surprise, he then sharply rebuts back to Lori, ”I don’t think anybody needs a pump to get hand lotion out, either.”
Rob Herjavec has his hands on hips. This is an authoritative pose. He then goes out.
Herjavec purses his lips after he goes out.
Now that three sharks have gone out, the Peanut Butter guy is starting to display signs of stress such as a higher blink rate.
Mr. Wonderful notices how he self-soothes by touching his knees, he’s uneasy about something. Guess what happens next? He goes out.
The Peanut Butter guy continues to blink rapidly and he licks his lips.
Try watching this clip with the volume off – you can pretty much tell what’s going on. Even when we’re quiet, our bodies are still communicating.
Shifts in body language give it away
How can advisors use body language to know when someone is lying? There’s no universal sign that someone is lying. If there were, imagine how much easier law enforcement’s job would be!
Body language should be interpreted in totality. Observe the person’s normal behavior. Write down the gestures and body language that occur when they are in “default” mode. Take note of any new or atypical behaviors and track the mental shifts that correlate with them.
It’s not the body language itself; it is the changes in a person’s body language that tip you off.
Look for signs of insecurity
Nobody enjoys lying and very few do it smoothly. Start by learning how to detect the signs of stress such as:
- Squinting
- Licking the lips or gulping
- Dilated pupils
- Flaring nostrils
- Twitching or feet or hands
- Picking at or biting fingernails
- Rubbing fingertips together
- Touching neck or loosening clothing around the neck
- Twirling hair
- Locking feet at the ankles
- Changes in breathing pattern (sighing)
Joe Navarro, a former FBI agent who used to catch spies, is a knowledgeable resource on these non-verbal cues. Once you master the signs, make body language observation a regular habit:
- Make a list of stress indicators and review them before any meeting where you feel lying is going to occur. Maybe even have this guide sheet in front of you.
- As much as you can avoid it, don’t write during meetings. If you can record the meetings on Zoom or use your phone, do it. That way you are free to observe.
- Practice observing people in your everyday life.
- Watch videos with the volume turned off to hone your observation skills.
Reading body language improves control
Even if the person isn’t lying, be sensitive to times when clients are under stress. For example, I was recently in a meeting with a group of people. It was going well until I noticed these signs:
- One person interlaced his fingers.
- Another person slouched.
- Someone else sighed.
At that point, I immediately knew that I had to backtrack and figure out what was going wrong for them. It was a cool experience because I felt like we were communicating more clearly. Because I could sense their stress, I felt more in control of the situation.
Whether or not someone is lying, there is an issue that needs to be resolved when you see stress signs. I’ve found that people appreciate when you show you care about how they feel (before they have to tell you).
Sara’s upshot
I’ll likely be interviewing Joe Navarro, former FBI agent, on my podcast later this year. Please subscribe to hear the show! I also discuss body language cues in my membership as it relates to prospecting.
Sara Grillo, CFA, is a marketing consultant who helps investment management, financial planning, and RIA firms fight the tendency to scatter meaningless clichés on their prospects and bore them as a result. Prior to launching her own firm, she was a financial advisor.
Read more articles by Sara Grillo
Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.
