Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Dear Bev,
It frustrates me to no end that some clients just don’t want to help themselves. We are fiduciaries who take our roles very seriously. If we recommend a client make an estate plan or consider additional insurance, we are doing it because we believe it is in the client’s best interest. Some clients are very good about following through, but others nod “yes” when I’m talking but then don’t follow through. It’s not like we can take their arm and sign papers for them! Should we just disregard the people who don’t care or keep hoping for movement?
Anne S.
Dear Anne,
The fascinating truth about human beings is that we don’t always do what’s best for ourselves! In fact, most people won’t be motivated to action unless the pain of staying where they are becomes so great they can’t stand it, or the pleasure of where they could go becomes so clear they want to move in a new direction. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are almost always operating on the pain/pleasure continuum. This leads me to ask the question, have you communicated well enough to your clients the upside or downside of following through with what you are suggesting? In other words, is it only you who understands the issue and implication or are your clients clear about the value to them?
Consider some of these possibilities. The client could:
- Be operating from a place of fear – most people avoid change at all costs and they hate to make a bad decision.
- Misunderstand what you are asking and exactly what they need to do. They may need more specific direction and steps to take.
- Want another opinion (and may not tell you they are seeking it).
- Be disengaged from the process.
When dealing with resistance or apathy, most often the best approach is to address it head-on. Ignoring clients’ reluctance and hoping they will eventually see the light makes their inaction the elephant in the room. Perhaps you could call your client and say, “I’m a bit concerned about you and the insurance issues we discussed” and then explain your expectations and concern about the lack of response on their part. Or you could approach them and say, “I fear I might not have given you enough information or direction on what to do regarding the estate planning documents. Can we agree on some next steps?” If you confront the lack of movement in a non-confrontational way, in most cases the person will give you insight into why they are stuck and what they might need to do to move forward.
Dear Bev,
What do you do when you work for a senior partner who is flat out rude and inappropriate? This happens with staff, sometimes with clients and with all of our vendors. He is belligerent, insulting and often just plain mean.
N.S.
Dear N.S.,
Please tell me how you really feel about your senior partner! If there is one thing I have learned over the years dealing with human beings in a variety of settings, it’s that most people are not mean for the sake of being mean. Even bullies are driven by some sort of internal push that results in bullying behavior. It could be that they are frustrated with themselves, with life, etc. In many cases there is a behavioral disconnect. Someone who is a strong, “get it done” leader might become thwarted and then lash out because of the frustration. Someone who is being asked to take on too much and does not have enough hours in the day might snap because of the tension.
From your description it sounds like this is a chronic situation, but often when we are bothered by someone’s behavior we paint a broad brush and see it happening all of the time (when it really isn’t). If you want to approach your senior partner and offer feedback on what you observe, I encourage you to take the time to document where, when and with whom he exhibits this behavior. Document exactly what is said and try to refrain from putting your own negative view. For example, “When you spoke to the person at our accounting firm, you used the term ‘jerk’ in reference to his associate. To me this diminishes our ability to be effective with our outside firm.” Instead of what you might want to say, “Why did you have to be so nasty to that guy?”
You might not change any behavior, but if you are somewhat methodical and objective and can document and reflect back in a calm, data-oriented manner what you observe, you might get your senior partner to self-reflect. It may be a gradual, incremental process, so keep at it if changing his behavior is important to you.
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995. In 2008, she co-founded Advisors Trusted Advisor to offer dedicated practice management resources to advisors, planners and wealth managers. In 2016 her firm relaunched the Advisors Sales Academy. She is currently a Lecturer at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate students Leadership & Social Responsibility. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including the Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here. 
