This is the fifth and last in a series of articles about the relationship between success and happiness. You can find the first four here, here ,here and here.
The strategies for becoming happier are not difficult to understand. However, changing entrenched patterns of behavior can be challenging. Here are some tips to help you achieve greater happiness in your life.
Plan to achieve your goals
The first step in achieving your goals is to identify the traits you need to adopt and the strategies you need to implement. Then devise a plan. You may be familiar with the saying that “those who fail to plan, plan to fail.”
Research confirms that having good intentions is not enough. One study involved college students whose goal was to increase their fruit intake by eating one piece of fruit every day for a couple of weeks. Those who planned in advance where and how they would eat their fruit were more likely to achieve their goal. Similar results were found for other goals, like exercising, quitting smoking, recycling and doing well in school.
Your plan should be both detailed in scope and realistic in practice. According to a study by the office of human resources at Dartmouth College, you are more likely to achieve your goals if they are:
- Measurable
- Achievable
- Specific
- Time-based
- Energizing
- Relevant
Adopt an optimistic attitude
A number of studies demonstrate that those who are optimistic about achieving their goals are more persistent, exert more effort and are more willing to adjust their goals instead of abandoning them altogether. This research is consistent with many other studies finding the benefit of what is called “dispositional optimism” — the tendency to expect positive future outcomes (based on realistic facts and probabilities, not fantasies). People with this outlook tend to be less stressed, better able to cope with stress and more successful academically and professionally. They are also likely to be more successful in their personal relationships.
Are you a pessimist? Do a quick self-check:
- Do you believe bad things are inevitable in your life?
- Do you believe all (or almost all) events in your life will have a bad ending?
- Do you believe that when bad things do happen, it’s your fault?
If you said “yes” to each of these questions, you are probably a pessimist. The essence of being a pessimist is the belief that failure is the likely outcome.
Converting from pessimism to optimism is a worthy goal, but it’s not easy. Pessimistic reactions are subconscious choices. To change them requires understanding the basis for your feelings that negative consequences are inevitable. Unless you are successful in reversing your pessimistic outlook, it’s unlikely you will be able to reach your goals. Cognitive therapy can be effective in reducing negative thinking and possibly increasing positive views.
If you are a pessimist, seek help in banishing the negativity that is keeping you from reaching your full potential. Learn how to adopt a more optimistic view of life. The benefits could be significant.
Address Other Psychological Issues
Aside from pessimism, other psychological issues may be impeding you from achieving your goals. Some issues may have underlying causes. If you don’t resolve those issues, you may not be able to implement your plan.
For example, the ability to be empathetic is critical to your ability to succeed. Up to 16 percent of patients in clinical settings are diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, which is characterized by lack of empathy. According to the American Psychiatric Association, someone with this disorder “is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.” If your inability to give credence to others’ feelings is caused by an underlying psychological disorder, you may need professional help to resolve it.
Don’t Try to Fix Everything at Once
Marshall Goldsmith, a prolific author and management coach, recommends that you work on changing only one behavior pattern at a time, starting with the one that you believe will make the most profound impact. Based on his experience, trying to change more than one behavior at a time is too overwhelming.
To help you choose which behavior to work on, try to identify the benefit of making the change. Goldsmith recommends completing the sentence “When I get better at…” You might say, for instance, “When I get better at being open to differing opinions, I will hear more great ideas.” This exercise helps you identify the change that will bring the most benefit. Other behaviors you might want to change could include being too judgmental, interrupting, not listening, not asking questions or not being empathetic.
Don’t Get Overwhelmed
Here’s a tip I use myself: break down big projects into a series of mini-tasks. When I am confronted with writing a new book, I always feel overwhelmed. Depending on the amount of research involved, it can take up to a year to finish the first draft. Then comes still more work: rewriting, editing, fact-checking, formatting, checking the footnotes, doing supplemental research, submitting the manuscript to my publisher, doing more edits and revisions, responding to copyedits and drafting the cover copy. It is a grueling, daunting process. The biggest barrier to getting started is knowing what a long, arduous journey it will be to the finish line.
Instead of being paralyzed by the enormity of what confronts me, I view it as a series of small steps. I try to make each step attainable. I allot a few days to do the research for one chapter, then try to write five hundred words a day. Completing a book is overwhelming. Writing five hundred words is fairly easy. That’s about the length of an average blog post. I am confident I can do that.
The process becomes self-fulfilling. Once I have a good start on a first draft, I feel momentum building. As I do research, it usually leads me in new directions. Writing comes much more easily once I have made some progress and have a direction.
It’s time to make your plan. Go back and review my suggestions for increasing your happiness and becoming a more successful person. Identify the traits and strategies you want to adopt. Develop specific goals and steps, listing them in order of priority based on what you believe will have the most meaningful impact. Don’t start on the second task until you have finished the first one. Continue down the list until you have covered them all.
Increasing your level of happiness won’t happen without a real commitment from you.
Dan Solin is the director of investor advocacy for the BAM Alliance and a wealth advisor with Buckingham. He is a New York Times best-selling author of the Smartest series of books. His latest book is The Smartest Sales Book You'll Ever Read. He consults with corporations and advisory firms on ways to improve their sales.
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