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Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
Dear Bev,
With the new year, our firm – where we had a family-feel environment and the founders cared about everyone – has sold out to a larger firm. As of January 1, the new firm has published “Rules of the Road” for how we should be caring for our clients. In most cases, the rules don’t make sense. Much more importantly, the rules they shared for how to treat clients are about one tenth what we would normally do. We overserve our clients – in a good way. This firm seems to think doing the minimum for clients is something they should capture in writing.
I don’t want to be in a place where we don’t value clients, because I believe it means we also don’t value our team members. The problem, and reason I am writing to you, is that I don’t have a voice anymore. Our founders are still involved, but they really don’t want to hear about problems with the new firm because they don’t have any power. I don’t have respect from the new leaders because they don’t know me and I don’t know them.
Do I ignore the rules and do what I have always done? Do I compromise myself and do less for our clients than what they deserve? Do I quit and find another family-feel firm?
T.K.
Dear T.K.,
I am fielding a lot of questions on topics like this lately. One of my long-time clients sold out to a larger, public firm. We plan to do an offsite shortly, because they want to be sure they are supporting their team with the transition. Change is very hard. It is especially hard when you have fully enjoyed where you were, the people you worked with and the philosophy underlying what you were doing.
The reality is that consolidation is happening everywhere, and even if I advised you to leave and find another “family-feel firm,” there is no guarantee you would not be writing to me in another 12 months to talk about a merger or acquisition! When you aren’t the one in charge, you will always be vulnerable to whatever decisions the leaders might make.
I don’t believe you have an option – and by the way you worded it I don’t think you do either – to “compromise” yourself and do less for your clients. I didn’t fully understand whether these published rules are mandates are guidelines. If the former, you will have difficulty simply ignoring them. However, in most cases I have seen, it is more likely the latter – guidelines to set some minimum standards.
If your approach doesn’t cost the firm money, in which case you would need to get approval, you should do what you have been doing for your clients. If there is a significant business difference involved, then you would have to speak to whomever you now report to in order to gain their support.
Along those lines, you might want to consider some internal PR to let the new owners know who you are and how much you care about serving clients well. You have to be careful not to diss their approach or be negative in making comparisons between how your firm did things and how the new firm does them. But you can focus on educating your new leaders to show what you know.
The important thing to keep in mind is that a small firm, like the one you have known and loved, has the capability of making their own decisions and doing whatever they want (within reason of course). Larger firms have dozens, if not hundreds, if not thousands or tens of thousands of people they are trying to keep organized and focused. If they didn’t publish rules, or keep the servicing to a clear minimum, there would be chaos with everyone making their own decisions.
I ran a division within a very large financial firm and had hundreds of people under my reporting chain at one point. While I would like to think I am flexible, creative and an innovative problem solver, I was schooled quickly in the need for process, repeatable ways of doing things and consistency in communication. You might decide working in a large firm isn’t for you for this reason and some others.
However, as I said earlier, you won’t be able to control the decisions that are made in whatever environment you choose. What you can control is how you come across, how carefully you word communications when in disagreement, how you treat each person you interact with (clients and team members). and the quality of your work. Focus on the controllables.
Dear Bev,
I have been reading your column and following your work for some time now. I have not seen you address this question, so forgive me if you have done so. I am a gay man working for a large-ish advisory firm (55+ people). I do not share my sexual orientation with my colleagues. I’m told by those who know me it is “not obvious” I am gay. In addition, I am a very private person and I don’t care to get into personal conversations with those with whom I work. I have been here for 11 months and have kept to myself. My work is impeccable and the feedback I’ve received has been stellar.
Lately, I have a female colleague who is completely devoted to “finding someone” for me. She comes into my office and talks about women in our firm and who she thinks could be a good catch. She asks me about what apps I am on to find women and generally is overly curious and involved in my need to be with a partner.
I do not want to open up to her. She is the firm gossip and everyone tries to steer clear of her. I don’t want her to be the one I share something so personal with. I imagine she will tell everyone because now she is in the know about me. Right now, when she does her dance with these ideas I smile and say, “Maybe I’m not looking right now; it’s really none of your business.” And then she acts like a juvenile, believing I must have a girlfriend I am keeping under wraps. She pesters me about what my girlfriend looks like, where she works, how long we have been dating, and so on.
What do you do when you don’t want your personal life plastered over the coffee room, so to speak, but you can’t dissuade an overly eager colleague from helping? I am at a loss and getting more and more irritated that she is pushing me into this corner.
Anonymous
Dear Advisor,
You are right that I haven’t addressed this particular issue in this manner per se. However, years ago I actually created a training program on gossip, because it was becoming so destructive in many of my client situations. I called it: Putting Gossip to Work. The idea is to shift the nature of gossip and turn it into something more useful rather than dividing. Gossip is a form of communication, but when not approached correctly, it can become a negative form.
In your case, I think you have one main option – and I’m not going to tell you to share your personal life and secrets. That option is to tell your nosy and ever-helpful colleague in a serious manner (no joking) that you would prefer she find someone else to “help.” Let her know you are a private person, and you don’t care to have conversations about your personal life at work. Let her know you appreciate her concern (yes, you might have to suck it up and lie a little bit here) but that you are finding her help a bit distracting.
This conversation is best done the next time she walks into your office. Ask her if she could take a seat for a minute. Put on your most sincere facial expression and adopt a sincere tone of voice. Tell her you are appreciative of her efforts, but that it is becoming distracting for you. Explain that you want your personal life to stay personal and you are all set in the matchmaking department. Finally, tell her you are finding her overtures increasingly uncomfortable, even though you know she means well.
If you don’t address her directly and instead keep putting her off, she is likely to keep it going. If you stop her and have a serious conversation with her as described above, you might have a chance of cutting short the behavior and making her an ally in the office.
Since you don’t mention any concerns about biases at your firm, I will end by saying that your colleagues will likely fully support you if you do decide to share more about who you are. I have a suspicion they may have talked about it – that could be why your persistent colleague is trying to “help” you. Being open about your sexual orientation would take pressure off you to keep a secret, and likely result in them spending less time trying to figure you out. You don’t have to share anything more than that simple fact, but you might be more transparent about your orientation so your colleagues could be given the chance to support you.
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry, in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. The firm has won the Wealthbriefing WealthTech award for Best Training Solution for 2022, 2023 and 2024. Beverly is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate and graduate students Entrepreneurship and Leading Teams. She is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.