How to Research a Prospect Without Stalking Them

When Jeannine met with this prospect, she shared her enthusiasm for the cause he had contributed to and mentioned she had volunteered and been very supportive herself (she did not share her personal story). The prospect became enraged and accused Jeannine of “stalking” him. He said he was looking for financial insights, not someone to know his every move and to try and connect on personal issues.

Jeannine was stunned and told me she left the lunch shaking. We reached out, together, to our client because we were worried. She then told us that this gentleman has a bit of an ego and an attitude and not to “worry too much about it”.

It poses the question for me: When does researching someone’s background and looking for ways to connect become uncomfortable for a person, wherein they might accuse us of stalking them?

The information Jeannine found was in the public realm. Our client did not share personal information. Jeannine spent the time learning about the prospect on her own. Was it wrong of her to share what she knew? It seems disingenuous to ask leading questions and hope the person will admit to the causes they support. The whole thing was very unsettling to Jeannine and to me. I will hesitate the next time I meet someone new to bother investigating them or learning more to connect and understand them.

L.J.

Dear L.J.,

I received this note from you this week, and earlier in the week I had a similar conversation with a client. We were talking about prepping for a meeting. My client shared a story when he had googled someone and found out some very disturbing information. He wrestled with how to deal with this person knowing what he knew about his background. We discussed this very thing – it is common to Google someone and learn as much as you can. We do it with people we’ve only heard about in passing sometimes because we are nosy and want to learn what others are doing! It wouldn’t be unusual for someone meeting a person for the first time to investigate and find common points of interest.

With the colleague I just mentioned, there was another member of the team who admitted she loves to learn about others, but she accuses people of stalking her when they share something they have found out about her. It’s like we know everyone does it, but it still seems somewhat creepy when someone admits to having done it.

That is where the rub comes in.

In the case of Jeannine, she didn’t really know this person. She learned information about him, but she didn’t know him – how he communicates, how open he is, what his likes and dislikes are. We don’t even know whether the cause you mentioned was meaningful to him. He could have donated or attended an event at someone else’s request or out of guilt or because the cause makes him look good. When someone reads online information like this, they can make assumptions and then act on those assumptions. That’s where the problem comes in. Jeannine was looking to connect with someone when she didn’t really know much about whether that connection was important to him.

The balance is to learn about someone so you have some sense of who they are, what they have done, and the journey they have traveled to get where they are. Do your homework for this. However, nothing takes the place of spending time getting to know someone. Ask good, open-ended questions. Connect with them by listening, reading their behavioral cues and getting a sense for how deeply the person is willing to go with you, especially in a first meeting.

If you have done your homework and someone says, “I assume you have researched and learned something about me/my background,” then admit to it. They have set the expectation and told you it is okay. I have people say this to me often because the assumption for many professionals is that one will spend time on background before a meeting. But if it doesn’t come up, and it is in the introductory phases, keep what you have learned to yourself until it comes up in more natural conversation.

If, for example, this prospect had started to talk about this particular cause he had been involved with and then Jeannine could say, “Of course I did my due diligence to try and learn about you a bit and I think I read something about that. It is a cause near and dear to my own heart.” Or something along these lines, then this is connecting in a way that makes the client feel heard and at the center, not stalked.

Dear Bev,

My firm will go into its next scheduled networking meeting, which we were doing once a quarter. We have not done this throughout COVID. Our last meeting was March 2020. Will it be important or even relevant to reintroduce everyone? Or is this rude, when most of the people know each other and have been in contact but have not seen one another in person in a bit over two years? I’m not sure of the protocols and I don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable or put on the spot.

S.U.

Dear S.U.,

Yes, yes and yes! What a great opportunity to start fresh and reconnect with people you have only seen behind the screen. Now, if the whole group all knows each other and they have all been in touch over the last two years, I would not do introductions. I would ask something like, “Your best learning from the virtual world?” or, “What was the biggest obstacle you faced?” or, “What did you miss the most?” Something along these lines will get everyone talking about their experiences over the last two years and get conversation going.

But if there is even one new member, I strongly recommend doing the intros. There are times where people have known one another and worked together where they can’t remember the firm name, or location. They might even know the person but can’t remember their first or last name. This takes the pressure off everyone. I recently facilitated an offsite meeting and everyone at the meeting knew each other well. They were a board that works closely together. But out of respect for me, as a newcomer to the group, they all went around and introduced themselves, said their roles and how long they had been on the board. The process generated a lot of buzz and some good conversation amongst the board before we even started the meeting.

It’s a good way to restart a process after two years of having to do things differently.

Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry, in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate and graduate students Entrepreneurship and Leading Teams. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).

She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.

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