Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Dear Bev,
We have a renewed focused on growing our business. As a woman-owned firm, with two male advisors, we serve a population of women who benefit from our help. We are doing a much better job of talking to our clients and asking them to introduce us to their friends and family members, where appropriate.
Recently, when seeking referrals, I had an uncomfortable situation arise. One of my clients, I’ll call her “Sally,” is a lawyer in our town. Sally told me about a friend of hers who is going through a very difficult divorce and is struggling with a number of financial matters. She said her husband, who is quite wealthy, cheated on her and it is difficult for her emotionally and financially. She asked me to reach out. Sally said she told her friend, “My financial advisor who can help you will be calling.” Sally confirmed she never said my name but that I would reference Sally when I called.
When I got this information from Sally I was floored. This is a woman I know well. She is the mother of one of my daughter’s friends. My daughter and this girl have played soccer together for seven years and they are close. I’m not that friendly with the mother but I certainly know who she is.
Dilemma: Do I approach her on the soccer field? Send her an intro email and reference that we know each other? Let someone else in my firm follow up? Go back to Sally and tell her I can’t follow through on this?
The person she wants me to call hasn’t shared anything about the divorce. I tried to bring it up to my daughter in a roundabout way, and she responded that she “loves” the dad and she didn’t indicate anything was awry with the family. I’m uncomfortable being a salesperson but this situation has me troubled. I want to help someone who is in need, and who I know tangentially but I don’t want to be a gossip or be intrusive.
A.S.
Dear A.S.,
No one can ever say this is a boring business. Unexpected situations abound. I was speaking with a coaching client this week who was sharing a not-too-dissimilar story. She was referred to one of her daughter’s friend’s parents and the advisor, my client, wasn’t sure how to follow up so she reached out over LinkedIn. The person didn’t respond well to her outreach. We were discussing the nuances of handling personal situations. Your dilemma is more fraught with potential blowback and I agree you need to tread very carefully.
You didn’t mention that you’ve gone back to Sally to explain – now that you know who this is and you’ve connected the dots – i.e. your personal connection and the other background information you’ve learned. Don’t tell Sally you can’t work on this but share that once you got the name from her and realized the situation you were able to place this woman more specifically. Engage Sally to go back to her friend and explain that her advisor is someone known to her and ask if she would be comfortable talking with you. This other woman might be relieved, but it would be nice to have the buffer of Sally to have the conversation first and verify this is the case.
I would share with Sally that you have a larger team behind you and if the friend is uncomfortable working with you, there are other advisors within your firm who you could recommend. Underscore the importance of confidentiality and that if another one of your advisors worked with this situation you would not be involved and would not be privy to the information (assuming of course, that is true).
Lastly, and I’m sure you know this, be very careful sharing any personal data near your daughter. If there is one thing I have learned as a parent, they have eyes and ears everywhere and they don’t miss a thing. You would not want word getting back to the friend or the mother that you have shared their sensitive family information with your daughter before the mother is ready to share it with her daughter.
Leveraging personal connections is tricky and often the best approach is to let someone else in your firm handle it, unless your friend or connection has personally requested you.
I’m interested in what our readers have to say. Has anyone encountered a situation as sticky as this one when seeking referrals?
Dear Bev,
When asking for a referral, do you recommend asking by name? I have a great client who I have golfed with on multiple occasions at our club. We frequently each bring new friends to play with us. The last time I was there, I was not playing with him but I saw him walking off the course with one of the owners of a large business I have been trying to get a meeting with. We provide retirement and other plans to exactly his type of business and I’ve been calling and getting stonewalled by the receptionist there.
How do I adeptly ask my client if he would be willing to introduce me to this gentleman?
W.R.
Dear W.R.,
The conversation goes something like this. Let’s assume your client is “Dan.”
“Dan, I noticed you were walking off the course with (name here) of (company here) last week. Was it a good round?”
Dan answers.
“It’s ironic, I have been trying to reach (name here) for a long time now. Do you know him well?”
Dan answers – assuming it is, “I know him well…”
“Would you be willing to make an introduction for me? I don’t want you to pitch what I do, just let him know I have been trying to reach him and I’d like to schedule a call.”
Dan likely says, “Sure.”
Ask him directly. Explain why you are asking – that you have been trying to reach this person and you let Dan respond whether he is comfortable or not.
I often say that we underestimate how much other people in all aspects of our lives want to help us. If we’re the type of person always asking for help, maybe not so much. But for those who only ask when it is important, others will gladly respond affirmatively. If Dan is uncomfortable or doesn’t want to do this, he’ll let you know. But I’m going to guess he will be happy to accommodate you. Nothing to be vague about here, just do it!
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate and graduate students Entrepreneurship and Leading Teams. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here. 