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While I am grateful to see many advisors (both female and male) focused on serving women, here are a few ideas to connect more deeply and powerfully.
It’s not all about the X chromosome
When I was an advisor, I worked with many female clients. But I made the mistake of assuming that I would “click” with them based on the fact that we both had two X chromosomes. In some cases this worked brilliantly but in other cases it turned out like an episode of MTV’s Disaster Date.
In retrospect, it wasn’t just about that female-to-female bond. It had more to do with the experiences I had been through that other women could identify and bond with.
The women I deeply connected with were typically 30 years old or older, married and settled down with some accumulated assets and family on the mind. For example, when I had two children under two years old, I had a tremendous connection with mothers of young children. This aligned with a focus on insurance and college planning. Meetings were full of laughter and comradery.
One group that I did not align well with were young female attorneys. They were predominantly single with no children and no real agenda other than working a million hours a week to get rid of their law school loans. Debt pay down and budgeting weren’t my forte. The meetings were fully of blank stares. And rightfully so.
My mistake was assuming that my X chromosomes were enough to create the bond. With so many advisors working with this market, the standards are higher now. Female and male advisors must show higher value by marketing yourself as a resource directly connected to a particular place in life that women may be or a specific challenge they face.
Examples of what an advisor could say:
- Being a single mother (or, being the son or daughter of a single mother, being the brother or sister of someone who is a single mother, etc.), I have firsthand knowledge of what single mothers ages 35 to 50 go through. My understanding of how medical insurance, estate planning, and child support/alimony procedures comes is something my clients appreciate and has made a huge difference.
- Because I myself am homosexual, I have a deeper capacity to understand the challenges faced by lesbian same-sex couples when it comes to filing tax returns, health insurance, and spousal protection
- Having helped my own mother through an unexpected widowhood, I understand the circumstances faced by such women. My practice is focused upon guiding widows through this phrase of life, from the initial transition and onwards.
This goes way further than just saying, “I work with women,” right?
Don’t miss the opportunity to create a community
There are times in life when people, male and female, go through events that are hard to talk about. In these moments, the advisor can be an incredibly valuable resource if you can create a support community that educates, supports and lifts women up in hard times. When you can do that, you gain the ability to speak for the voiceless. And that is very powerful.
I’ll give you an example.
In one of my pregnancies, the doctor couldn’t find the baby on the ultrasound during my first prenatal visit. The appointment ended with the warning that I should expect to miscarry within the next three weeks. Devastated, numb and dazed, I limped home. Anytime someone spoke to me it was as if my head were submerged under water.
The worst part was the silence. I couldn’t talk to anybody about it. Antonio was the only who knew I was pregnant, and now wasn’t time to go around letting people know. I suffered in silence, helpless and alone. It was like being given a death sentence and all I could do was wait to die.
I needed something to ease my pain. Given I was expecting, the Bacardi 151 and/or Don Cuevo was off limits. I consulted group chats hosted by BabyCenter and Circle of Moms and all of a sudden, I didn’t feel so bad. I heard many stories from women who said their doctor dated the pregnancy wrong and given a few weeks their babies miraculously appeared. I also saw women talking about having suffered the loss, and other women were consoling them. It was exactly the community I needed.
Consider introducing your female clients to each other and giving them the opportunity to become their own community. You could do this very easily by creating a private Facebook group. Let them be support for each other.
Lead them into discussions on hard to talk about issues such as:
- I think I’m about to divorce but am afraid to.
- I got divorced and now and am intimidated to go back on the dating scene.
- I cheated, or was cheated on, and am not sure what to do.
- I’m the breadwinner, out-earning my partner, and it’s causing some weird issues.
- I’m pretty sure I’m infertile and am not sure if I can afford treatment.
- I’m struggling with daycare and need some better solutions.
- I’ve got my in-laws living with us and it’s not going well.
These are sensitive issues but don’t be scared off by that. That just means people are emotionally invested in them and that is exactly where advisors should be the rock for their clients. With roboadvisors and low cost TAMPs, you have no choice but to use your human side to create an experience that forges a deeper bond with clients.
Don’t forget the influencer!
Antonio and I keep separate finances and not once has my insurance agent or estate attorney insisted that he be present at the meeting. To be honest I wish they had pushed me a bit more to get him involved. My advisors assumed that because I’m financially independent I am also emotionally independent, which is not completely true.
Even if you’re working with single or unmarried women who cohabitate with a partner, don’t assume that whoever they’re romantically involved with doesn’t have a role in the financial decisions they make. Sometimes the influencer isn’t the person’s love interest. It may be a sibling, parent or close friend.
People rarely make major money decisions alone, even if they are single women or single mothers. Find out who the influencer is and get them involved if you think that the situation could be improved by doing so.
Sara’s upshot
Being an advisor focused on women puts you in a position to positively impact lives. Yet I see so many advisors not going deep enough. Low-cost technology is going to compress your fees; you can’t afford not connecting deeply with clients. It’s just too easy for them to walk away. Hopefully these ideas have helped or if you want a few more then please feel free to hit me on APViewpoint and share your story.
Sara Grillo, CFA, is a top financial writer with a focus on marketing and branding for investment management, financial planning, and RIA firms. Prior to launching her own firm, she was a financial advisor and worked at Lehman Brothers. Sara graduated from Harvard with a degree in English literature and has an MBA from NYU Stern in quantitative finance.
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